The Nature of Conflict

Sande, Ken & Kevin Johnson Resolving Everyday Conflict. Grand Rapids: Baker, 2011.

Chapter 1 “The Nature of Conflict: What it is and where it comes from”

Our lives are full of conflict. Sande and Johnson ask if we understand what that conflict is and where it comes from. Understanding our situation adequately gives us the tools we need to break down conflict and resolve it well. Our culture tells us that when in conflict we should look out for our own interests. The Bible tells us exactly the opposite. Look out for the interests of the other party in the conflict. This is an application of the Gospel in our situation, seeing that our Lord and Savior considered our sin as more important than himself and gave himself on our account. James 4:1-2 observes that our conflicts come from our self-centered desires. When our self-centered desires come up against someone else’s self-centered desires we have a conflict that needs to be resolved.

An interesting observation in this chapter pertains to church congregations. Sande and Johnson have often asked churches if they have conflict and been advised that the church isn’t in conflict. They then follow up with questions about gossip, backbiting, slander, and find out that there are quiet conflicts throughout the body. These need to be dealt with in order to avoid the conflict situations to grow.

What happens when we resolve conflict well? In Acts 6 the believers had a conflict about distribution of food to the poor. They reached a good solution and it improved their testimony in the community. When we are able to deal with our disagreements in a biblical manner our community sees and notices.

One point of this chapter, one which I don’t think Sande and Johnson dwell on adequately, is the difference between biblical conflict resolution and what secular conflict resolution methods tell you. Our world suggests that conflicts can be talked through and once both sides are understood the conflict will be resolved, though neither person may be pleased with the outcome. A biblical view of conflict resolution goes beyond understanding the other party’s position. It reaches to the level of each party to the conflict understanding his own selfish desires and deciding to do what is in the best interests of the other and whatever might be the best overall solution. This results in an outcome which is pleasing to all parties and which tends to prevent further conflicts. It is far different and far better.

We recall again that a truly biblical view of conflict resolution is a good testimony to our surrounding culture. Compare John 13:35 and John 17:23. As we strive for peace according to Romans 12:18 and Ephesians 4:3 we find that we no longer have to suffer with guilt for relationships which have been damaged.

This book lends itself to a good small group study format. How about some questions?
1) Are you currently involved in conflicts that you would like to resolve? Don’t tell about them, but make some notes for yourself to review later.
2) How do you tend to make conflict worse? How would it be possible to defuse a conflict situation wisely and gently?
3) What do you think of people who are in conflicts? What do you think of people who are at peace?
4) What benefits would you enjoy when living at peace with others?